Last week Ankush messaged me about participating in this unique kind of run named Wings of Life - there is no finish line, a catcher car starts chasing you after 30mins of your run start time and the race ends when the car catches up with you. A moving finish line.
After some deliberation and overthinking I said yes. The car was virtual and it all happened over an app so we could really run anywhere. We planned to run at the Campbell public running track. It would start on 10th May at 4am PT (same time across the world). I bought some head lamps for us from REI, filled up my hydration pack, packed some extra clothes, checked the weather (12 degrees C), stoved some bananas and I was all set to do it.
I didn’t know what to expect. I have been so heads down in strength and weight training for the past few months that my running has taken a serious backseat. To top that all my tibialis pain issues with the old Nike Pegasus and the terrible friction burns from the new Hoka Cliftons have been crippling. I had been doing one off 5Ks for the last few weeks, pushing through serious pain from the friction burns sometimes, but that was all the “training” I had.
I really had nothing to be nervous about - since this was not really a “race” to compete in - yet I was obviously super nervous. What if I couldn’t even do a 5K. That felt like a stupid concern because the catcher car wouldn’t even start for the first 30mins and I usually do 5Ks well within that time. But such is the fear of applying yourself, of performing. Even the slightest signing up to consequences creates this real pressure and nervousness to perform - and after all performance is what matters, prep doesn’t.
I set an alarm for 2:30am and tried to go to sleep at 11pm the previous night. I could feel the nervousness while going to sleep and it crept up every hour as I awoke out of fear of having missed the alarm. I got up 5mins before the alarm went off. Put on my clothes, downed a lot of water, had a banana, checked my legs. All set.
Ankush picked me up at 3:15am and we rode through streets of silence and emptiness to the Campbell track. Ours was the only car in the parking lot. At 3:45am we had setup our gear on the field and had started warming up. At 3:55am another car pulled up and 3 old people entered the track. From the sound of their phones we could tell they were here for the same thing.
4am start signal fires. Ankush and I start running, side by side for the first half lap of the track. 3 laps into the run (1.5K) numb pain starts popping into my right leg’s tibialis. Fuck. I thought I was done with that pain after these new shoes. This is too early for the pain to start. Will I even make 5K today? I started panicking. I finish the lap to our bags on the field and stop to retie my laces. Maybe I tied them too tight. Within a few seconds of stopping I get lapped by one of the old guys. Panic. Ankush laps me too. 7 mins in I am already a lap behind.
I get up and resume my run. I try to pick up my pace but to no vail. The pain gets worse within the next 1K. My right shin starts tightening. This is a very bad sign. I know where this leads. I have faced this pain dozens of times before. My right leg will soon stiffen up entirely knee down because my shin muscles will get pumped up from the exertion and the blood flow to my foot will stop. I will no more be able to operate my right foot and it will start slapping on the floor like dead weight. I will still run because my quads work, but through excruciating pain of the blood blocked in the muscles and muscles trying to expand beyond my skin.
Next lap I stop by our bags on the field again. Think fast. What should I do. In a moment of panic I decide I will run without shoes. I pop them open and throw them by our bags and start running barefoot. Immediately realize its a bad idea. The soles of shoes provide incredible cushioning against the impact when foot hits the ground. Now feet hit the ground with no cushion. Knees start crushing under the impact. More panic.
Next lap, I yet again stop by our bags on the field. Wear my shoes again knowing that the pain will return. But the fear of failure feels worse. Without shoes I might not even run 5K. I had aimed for an 8K, maybe even a 10K stretch. Those ambitions have long disappeared. 30mins have passed already. I have only run a 4K yet. My worst time ever probably. Ankush and the old guy have lapped me 4+ times by now. The catcher car has started at 12kmph. It’s a matter of 10 or so mins before it catches me. All my doubts and fears flood my mind. I’m not gonna make it.
I get up and start running with all the doubt and fear. I hate myself for not having practiced enough. I hate my luck for all problems happening today. I feel like I have wasted the registration fees for this run. This is performance day. All that matters is how I do today. Nothing else matters.
Within the painful lap from my right leg, my left foot starts rubbing against the sole. I know how this ends. In another K the pain will be equal to holding a candle below my foot - terrible burning with every step. Friction burned skin rubbing against the shoe at the exact same spot a thousand times each kilometer.
I laugh at my fate. I feel like I have already lost. I have completed 6K. The catcher car is about 4K behind me and catching fast. I consider if I should just stop running now and wait for the official catching up. Ankush and old man 1 have lapped me 6 times now.
I don’t stop.
I decide to run the 8K I had promised myself. No matter what. Left foot down - terrible friction pain. Right foot down - terrible shin pain. I power through my knees. I growl under the pain but I run.
I hit 8K. Catcher car is still 3K behind. Wait - can I do 10K?
I push through my pain boundaries. I’m pretty sure my left sole is going to bleed in another minute under the friction. I don’t stop. I imagine Anmol’s life depends on me running. Deep’s life depends on me running. My parents’ life depends on me running. I imagine my loved ones stuck in terrible situations and the only thing that can help them is if I run. And so I run.
10K. I cannot believe I’m still in the race. I also cannot run anymore because my legs are dying from pain. I also cannot stop because I have tasted success.
I just can’t take the friction pain anymore, but the catcher car is still 1.5K behind. I pop off my shoes and throw them into our bag area. I start running barefoot. I still have my knees to spare. I can take pain a bit longer. I am running super slow but I am moving forward nevertheless and that’s what matters.
Catcher car 500m behind and I break into a sprint. For myself I have won. I gave it my all and then some. The car finally catches up and I end up race. It’s surreal. The sun hasn’t risen yet. I don’t realize but I have tears in my eyes from all the pain. I have saved my loved ones. I guess.
Ankush will run for another hour like a machine. The dawn will crack in 20mins, and then the sun will rise into a cloudy grey day. He will run 24K before the car catches him.
I did well this Sunday morning.